i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My feet surprised me
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