omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You can't motorboat a personality
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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