Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I need to align my fucking chakras
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
