If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
