I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
