glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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