true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
