I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
