Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
