Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
