Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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