Will you blow on my dice?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
