just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
