Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
