I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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