I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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