she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
His nipple licking is glorious
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