...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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