careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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