Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
