i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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