you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize