im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
