Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
