are you still at the devil's house?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
