I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
