one word: firstdatebathroomanal
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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