so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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