So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
