life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
