Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize