smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
