I am puke
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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