my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
grandma shit on top of the toilet
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
