I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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