i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
