So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
