haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
