I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
