dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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