there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm both gender and math confused
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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