I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Terrible idea I love it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
