Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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