Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
