East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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