I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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