what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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