yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
