I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
