I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
