woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize