What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
