if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
