Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
