How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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