when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
