Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
