i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
