He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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