carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
