I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
