people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
