"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
