I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
