One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
do herpes really smell.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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