the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
